Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled
by Descendent
Summary: Chapter six: Jamie finishes the season with a tour of the New Mutant's Quarters
1. Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters

Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled  
  
  
Summary: Jamie watches too much TV and decides to put on his own version of Life Styles of the Rich and Famous. My god have mercy on my soul...  
  
Dedication: To the anonymous reviewer who suggested the idea. Thank you.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
  
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Xavier Institute for gifted Youngsters,  
  
  
"Salutations everybody, and welcome to Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled." Jamie Madrox said with a faked British accent. He was wearing a suit and held a microphone in his hand. "Today, we will take a look at the lavish abode of one, Professor Charles Francis Xavier and his students. This spacious Mansion has Twenty-Three Rooms, Seven Bath's, a dinning hall, a full kitchen, and a full working Mini-Bar." Jamie said with a smile as the camera pans around the foyer. Suddenly Logan and Beast pop up out of nowhere.  
  
"Mini-Bar? Where?" Beast asked frantically as Logan grabbed Jamie.  
  
"For the love of Mike, tell us where the Mini-Bar is kid!!!" Logan shouted as he shook Jamie, creating several clones in the process.  
  
"Um, in his study." All of the Jamie's answered, pointing upstairs.  
  
"I told you he was holding out." Logan said as he and Beast charged upstairs.  
  
"TO THE BOOZE!!!" Beast shouted.  
  
"Moving on, " Jaime said redirecting the camera's attention onto him. "Let's start with the bedrooms..."  
  
(Kitty/Rouge's Room)  
  
"Lucky for us both Katherine Pryde and Rouge, um... Rouge are not be here at the moment. Rouge is out with her good friend, Risty Wilde. And young Miss Pryde is on an outing with Mister Lance Alvers." Jamie said as he opened the door to the room. Only to see Kitty in a hot and heavy make-out session with Lance on her bed. "Oh, my..." Jamie said in shock when he saw them. Lance and Kitty looked up to see the Camera. A look of Horror came to their faces.  
  
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Kitty screamed as she hurled various objects at the fleeing form of Jamie. Lance caused a quake that slammed the door shut.  
  
"Um, that was unexpected." Jamie said, straitening his tie. "Lets move on to Young Mister Daniels room..." Jaime said, ignoring the moans coming out of Kitty and Rouge's room.  
  
(Evan's Room)  
  
"Let us see how young Mister Daniels spends his days..." Jamie said as he opened the door. Evan was wearing a strait jacket and foaming at the mouth. He was muttering about Pietro beating him at everything as he banged his head against the wall. "Ah, yes. I forgot this is his time out period." Jamie said as he closed the door. "Sorry about that folks. Let us move on to Miss Jean Grey's room..."  
  
(Jean's Room)  
  
"Young Miss Grey is a Honor student as well as captain of the Soccer team." Jamie said as he opened the door. "As such we should expect to find a well cultured looking room." Jamie said as he walked inside. To Find Jean staring at two pictures of Scott and Duncan.   
  
"Hmmm... Who do I want to string along this week?" Jean said aloud as she moved a finger over the two pictures. "Decisions, decisions..." Jamie and the camera backed away slowly and out of the room.  
  
"That. Was...Interesting." Jamie said as he began to sweat nervously. "Lets move on to Kurt Wagner's Room..."  
  
(Kurt's Room)  
  
"Mister Wagner is an exchange student from Germany. As such we should expect to get a nice cross of German culture and refinery in his room." Jamie said with a smile as he opened the door. Kurt was lying in a pile of Burger wrappers, and condiment packages muttering to himself, his stomach bursting through the bottom of his shirt.  
  
"So many Gut-Busters... So many..." Kurt moaned as he slipped in and out of consciousness. "All for me..."  
  
"Disgusting." Jamie said as he closed the door and walked away. "Lets move on to the Leader of the X-Men, Scott Summers..."  
  
(Scott's Room)  
  
"Scott Summers is also and Honor Student and is also the proud owner of the worlds largest stick, which happens to be in his bum most of the time." Jamie said as he open Scott's door.   
  
"Just take those Old Records off the shelf..." Scott sang out as he danced around in his underwear. "I sit and listen to them by myself..." Scott sand as he used a hairbrush as a microphone. Jamie closed the door immediately  
  
"That was...Disturbing" Jamie said as he wiped his brow. "Lets move on to Professor Xavier's Study..."  
  
(Xavier's Room)  
  
"Professor Charles Xavier is a Nobel Prize winning Geneticist as well as the most powerful telepath on the face of the earth." Jamie said as he opened the door. Xavier was tied up and hanging on the wall, a gag covered his mouth. Wolverine and Beast were drunk out of their minds waving around bottles of liquor at his desk. Storm was dancing on top of the desk in a grass skirt, with Wolverine and Beast waving dollar bills at her.   
  
"Oh dear lord..." Jamie said as he looked on in shock. He closed the door and turned to face the Camera. "Well that concludes our tour of the Xavier Mansion. I'm not even going to bother with the New Mutants quarters because frankly, they scare me. Join us next time when we take a look at The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House. Until then, fine living and good day to you all." Jamie said as the camera shut off. "God I live with a bunch of freaks..." Jamie muttered as he went into his room.  
  
  
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Well I hope you all enjoyed this fic. Stay tuned for the next chapter coming your way as soon as possible. Oh and please review. = )  
  
Peace out,   
  
Descendent 


	2. The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding Hou...

Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled; The Brotherhood Of Bayville Boarding House  
  
  
Wow. I didn't expect this fic to be so popular. I originally had no intention of making it a series, but hey... Give the people what they want.  
  
P.S. A gold star for you if you got that Scott was imitating a scene from "Risky Business." last chapter.  
  
  
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Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House.  
  
  
"Salutations and welcome to "Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled." Jamie said, once again wearing his fine business suit. "I am your cultured host, James Madrox. Today we will be touring the splendid "Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House." This 18th century Victorian was originally built to house the criminally insane and those just not right in the head. As you can see, it is still in use for that purpose." Jamie said as a wad of flaming toilet paper went flying by behind him. "Um, Be right back..." Jamie said as he went off camera. He reappeared a few minutes later wearing a helmet and a suit of body armor. "There, that should keep me safe." Rouge suddenly pops up out of nowhere.  
  
"HA! That's what you think! I lived with those nutballs!!! You're doomed, doooomed!!!" Rouge shouted as she ran away as fast as humanly possible. "DOOOOMED!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Rouge cackled.  
  
"Riggghhhhtttt... Anyhow, Let's begin our tour with the living room..." Jamie said as he cast one last glance in Rouge's fleeing direction.  
  
(Living Room)   
  
"This spacious living room, Oh dear Lord..." Jamie said as he saw the mounds of pizza box's and flies and other unhealthy things that filled the room. "I think I'm going to be sick..." Jamie muttered as he ran off camera. The sound of vomiting is heard and then Jaime returns wiping his mouth. "Let's move on to Miss Maximoff's Room..."  
  
(Wanda's Room)  
  
"Miss Maximoff spent the better part of her life in a mental Institution, As such we should exercise caution while in her room." Jamie said as he pulled out a tranquilizer gun. "Be vewy, vewy quite, we're huntin Maniac's. Hehehehehehe..." Jamie said as he opened Wanda's door. "Sweet God almighty." Jamie said as he looked around in shock. The room was a bright Pink and had stuffed animals all over the place. Wanda was sitting on the floor in front of the TV. She was really into the show that was on.  
  
"Go Power Puff Girls!!!" Wanda shouted as she raised a fist in the air and danced around. "You go! You go! You go!" Wanda chanted. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the camera and Jamie. "eep." Wanda said in horror before she got angry. "GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Wanda shouted as she launched a hex bolt arsenal at Jamie and the Camera.  
  
"AHHHH!!!" Jamie shouted as he slammed the door shut. "That was quite horrifying. Let's move on to Frederick Dukes room..."  
  
(Fred's Room)  
  
"Mister Dukes is one of the largest people in the world. As such we can well expect to see a scene similar to what we saw in Mister Wagner's room at the Xavier's Institute." Jamie said as he walked toward the door. "So lets just try to stay sane." Jamie said as he opened the door. Fred, Toad and Lance were all inside wearing sunglasses and black business suits. They surrounded a figure hidden in the shadows.  
  
"Talk, damn you!!!" Lance shouted as he backhanded the figure tied to the chair. "TALK!!!"  
  
"He ain't talking, yo." Toad said as he turned to Fred. "What are we going to do about that?" Toad asked like a wise guy.  
  
"I don't know Toady, What are we going to do about that?" Fred replied in a mobster tone.  
  
"I'll tell you what we're going to do." Lance said as he faced his comrades. "Freddy, take him outside and see if you can make him talk." Lance said as he backed away from the figure revealing to the camera that it was a Mime tied to the chair. He shook his head 'no' as Fred picked him up and took him outside through another door. "And use the silencer!" Lance shouted after them. Jaime slammed the door shut, a look of horror plastered on his face.   
  
"So that's why Scott woke up with a horse's head in his bed." Jamie said as he wiped his brow. "Lets move on to Lance's room…"  
  
(Lance's Room)  
  
"The Leader of the Brotherhood's room is right here." Jamie said as he opened the door. "Wow. It's actually normal." Jamie said as he looked around. It was an average room, a few pictures of Kitty were stuck in the Mirror and a stereo system was in one corner. It even had a dartboard with Scott's picture on it. However, instead of darts, it had throwing knives, bullet holes and even a hatchet, all imbedded in the picture of Cyclops. "Disturbing." Jamie said as he closed the door. "Let's proceed to Todd Tolensky's room..."  
  
(Todd's Room)  
  
(Sigh) "Let's just get this over with." Jamie said as he opened the door to Toad's room. "What the duce?" Jamie asked in shock as he looked around. The room was decorated in 12th century attire. Toad was sitting at a table, dressed like Uncle Moneypennies from "Monopoly". He even had the monocle.   
  
"Greeting's James, may I offer you a spot of tea?" Toad said as he poured another glass.  
  
"Holy God…" Jamie muttered as he walked out of the room completely stunned. "Let's move on to Mystique's room…" Jamie muttered as he shook his head.  
  
(Mystique's Room)  
  
"Oh Dear Lord…" Jamie muttered as he saw Mystique lying on the ground, bottles of Liquor surrounding her drunken form.   
  
"If you like peanut coolata's…" Mystique sang out as she lay on the floor. "I hate those Friggin kids, I really do..."  
  
"That's it!!!" Jamie shouted as he closed the door. "I'm outta here!!!"   
  
(Living Room)  
  
"Well join us next time when we tour the home of Magneto's Acolytes. Until then, fine living and good day to you all." Jamie said as the camera shut off. He didn't notice that the Brotherhood was gathered in the living room talking amongst themselves.  
  
"So it's agreed," Lance said as he leaned back in the chair. "We'll break Pietro's knee's with a ballpoint hammer, AFTER we force feed him thirty gallons of Cream Corn."  
  
"AGREED!!!" The Brotherhood responded. Jamie just shook his head and walked out of the Brotherhood's house.  
  
  
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Well there ya go. Another chapter and another tour. Up next, the Acolytes.  
  
Peace out,  
  
Descendent 


	3. Acolyte Manor

Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled: The Acolytes Mansion  
  
Right, I have no clue how WB's going to do the Acolytes, or whether they're even going to be called that. I'm just taking an educated guess at where they live. Anyhow,   
  
ON WITH THE SHOW!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!!  
  
Dedication: To all those who have kind enough to review. My they continue to do so. Also I have noticed that various requests have been made. I can honestly say that they will be fulfilled. Like I always say: Give the people what they want.  
  
  
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Outside of the Acolyte Mansion,  
  
"Salutations and welcome to "Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled." Jamie said, once again wearing his fine business suit. "I am your cultured host, James Madrox. Today we will be touring the splendid Mansion that the Acolytes have come to call home. How did I find this place you may ask? Well let's just say that some incriminating pictures of a certain Master of Magnetism and a local cheerleader can go a long way." Jamie said with a smile as he entered the mansion. "This mansion serves as the home and training grounds of Magneto's team of mutants' known as the Acolytes."  
  
"More like insane mutants that were the best Magneto could find on his own." Sabertooth muttered as he walked by scratching his ear.  
  
"Interesting..." Jamie muttered as he stared at the departing form of Sabertooth. "Let's start our tour with John St. Allerdyce's room..."  
  
(Pyro's Room)  
  
"John St. Allerdyce is an Australian native and has the ability to manipulate fire." Jamie said as he opened Pyro's door. Pyro was sitting in a corner flicking his lighter on and off. He was muttering to himself.  
  
"It's almost time to start the cleansing...It's almost time to start the cleansing...It's almost time to start the..." Pyro muttered, a crazed look in his eye as he watched the fire dance around. Jamie slammed the door shut.   
  
"Disturbing..." Jamie muttered as he looked around. "Let's move on to Victor Creed's room..."  
  
(Sabertooth's Room)  
  
"Sabertooth is a mercenary hired by Magneto for the sole propose of torturing and maiming people." Jamie said as he paused for a moment. "Hey, Don, Are you sure it's safe for me to go in there?" Jamie asked someone off camera. The sound of Crickets chirping was the only answer he received. "Peachy." Jamie muttered as he opened the door that led to Sabertooth's room. "Holy God..." Jamie muttered as he walked into the room. It was like a huge cathouse. There was a gigantic cat bed in one corned and a huge scratching post in another. There were also food and water dishes off on one side of the room and a gigantic litter box in another corner. Which Sabertooth emerged from a few seconds later. His eyes went wide with horror when he saw Jamie and the Camera.  
  
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Sabertooth shouted as he picked Jamie up and tossed him out of the room.  
  
"Horrifying." Jamie said as he wiped his brow. "Let's take five before we move on to Colossus' Room..."  
  
(Peter's Room, 5 Minutes later)  
  
"Peter Raspmutent is a Russian exchange student. As such we should get a nice flavor of the Russian culture in his room." Jamie said as he opened Colossus' door.  
  
"PARTY!!!" Peter called out as he danced with five Russian women. Bottles of Vodka littered the floor and Boris Yelson was passed out on the bed. Peter took another swig of Vodka before he continued dancing. Jamie closed the door and turned to face the camera.  
  
"For some reason I expected that." Jamie said as he shook his head. "Let's move of to Remy LeBeau's room..."  
  
(Gambit's Room)  
  
"Remy LeBeau is a Cajun student, trained to be a master thief." Jamie said as he opened the door to Gambit's room. Gambit was on the phone.   
  
"Mon Ami's, if you want the Mona Lisa China, then it will cost you big." Gambit said into the phone. The Mona Lisa was sitting on the floor in the background. "Yes. That's right, all the tea…" Gambit said with a twisted smile.  
  
"Damn… He's good." Jamie said as he closed the door to Gambit's room. "Let's move on to Pietro Maximoff's room…"  
  
(Quicksilver's Room)  
  
"Oh dear Lord…" Jamie muttered as he entered into Pietro's room. The room was littered with pictures of himself. There was also a giant mirror on one wall. A huge mural of Pietro was painted on the ceiling as well. (Sorry Red Witch… had to use it.) The room was also cleaner than most science labs. "Take about an egomaniac…" Jamie muttered as he left the room. "That is just plain wrong on so many levels…" Jamie muttered as he walked down the hall. "Let's go to Magneto's Room…"  
  
(Magneto's Room)  
  
"Erik Lenshuer is the insane megalomaniac in charge of the Acolytes…" Jamie said as he opened Magneto's door. The acolytes were sitting at a table, a cloth covering it. Magneto was in front of them.  
  
"My Acolytes, The time is now nigh…" Magneto said as he suddenly pulled the cloth off of the table. "TIME FO EATIN PIE!!!" Magneto shouted, revealing dozens of pies on the table. The acolytes exchanged a look as Sabertooth shook his head and buried it in his hands. Meanwhile Magneto was laughing uncontrollably.  
  
"He's finally snapped…" Pietro muttered to Gambit, who nodded in agreement. Jamie slammed the door shut.  
  
"That… Was… Disturbing." Jamie muttered as he wiped his brow again. "Well join us next time when we tour Bayville High. Until then, fine living and good day to you all." Jamie said as the camera shut off. "Good God, They're more insane than the Brotherhood and X-Men combined…" Jamie muttered as he walked out the door. "Whose bright idea was it to make this story a friggen series anyway? I'm only twelve Damn it! I'm going to need a shrink for the rest of my friggen life if this keeps up!" Jamie shouted from outside.  
  
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Hope you all like it. Until next time folks…  
  
Peace out,   
  
Descendent 


	4. Bayville High School

Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled: Bayville High  
  
  
Man o' Man. "Mainstream" was terrible. First of all, what is up with the Brotherhood working WITH Duncan? ARRRGGGHHHH. And don't get me started about how that episode threw a wrench into the Lance/Kitty relationship thing. And as a die hard Lancitty Shipper, I was extremely pissed off at the writers. And were the hell was Wanda at? Anyhow, enough of my ranting.   
  
ON WITH THE SHOW!!!  
  
(P.S. For those of you who haven't gotten it yet, Jamie is talking like Will Ferrel does when he does Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL)  
  
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Bayville High  
  
"Salutations, and welcome to "Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled". Jamie said, wearing a fine business suit and speaking with a British accent. "I am your cultured host, James Madrox. Today on Life Styles, we will be touring the establishment that is known as Bayville High School." Jamie said as he walked around the outside of Bayville High. He didn't notice the Brotherhood in the background pounding the tar out of Duncan. (That's what's supposed to happen damn it!!!) "Bayville High has a long history of keeping the dignity and respect of its students." Jamie said as Blob held Duncan down in the background as Wanda decorated his face with makeup. The Brotherhood then ran him up the flagpole by his underwear. "Bayville High is also the place were Professor Xavier sends his students to school." Jamie said as the X-Men appeared. "He sends them here to learn how to control their powers and show respect towards other mutants and humans." Jamie said as the Brotherhood and X-men began to fight quite violently in the background. "Let's begin our tour inside, shall we?" Jamie said as he entered the building, not noticing the Brotherhood and X-Men fighting, stray energy blast shooting all over the place.  
  
  
(Inside)  
  
"Bayville High is a large school, Capable of holding over 1000 students." Jamie said as a chicken walked behind him. "What the Duce is that?" Jamie asked in surprise as he saw the chicken.   
  
"Here chicky, chicky…Here Chicky!!!" A cafeteria worked called out as he wandered the halls with an axe in his hands. "The little Basterds want fresh meat, I'll give them fresh meat. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The worker laughed as he ran down the hall after the chicken.  
  
"Horrifying." Jamie stated. "Let us move on to the science lab's…"  
  
  
(Science Lab's)   
  
"Bayville High is renown for it's top of the line Scientific facility's." Jamie said as he opened the door to one. The Brotherhood was inside; all of them were wearing lab coats. Suddenly Lance held a beaker in the air.  
  
"YES!!! We've done it!!!' Lance shouted as the Brotherhood gathered around. "We've developed a chemical that will actually remove the stench of failure AND defeat!!!" The Brotherhood all applauded as Jamie closed the door.   
  
"Lets' move on to a different Lab, Shall we?" Jamie asked as sweat began to bead on his forehead. He walked toward another door and opened it. Inside a student wearing a tuxedo was strapped to a table, a laser moving slowly upwards toward his genitals.   
  
"Goldfinger, your mad." The student said in a British accent. Another student, with a finger covered in Gold merely laughed as the beam moved upward. "What is it you want!?!"  
  
"It's quite simple Mr. Bond, I want you to die." The Gold fingered student laughed as Jamie slammed the door immediately.  
  
"And, I hate my life." Jamie said sarcastically. "Let's move on the teacher's lounge."  
  
  
(Teacher's Lounge)   
  
"The Teacher's at Bayville put up with so much stress that they need a safe and fun way to let out their emotions. This lounge allows them to do that." Jamie said as he opened the door. The Librarian and the Janitor were sitting at a table, wearing Japanese headbands. They looked drunk. The other teachers surrounded them, cheering them on and waving bills of cash. Principle Kelly was wearing an eye patch as he put a revolver between the two.   
  
"Do'me Nowe, Do'me Nowe" Principal Kelly shouted as he spun the chamber of the gun and handed it to the Librarian. The Librarian put the gun to her head as Jamie slammed the door shut.   
  
"Horrifying…" Jamie muttered. "Let's move onto the classrooms…"  
  
  
(Various Classrooms)  
  
"English 201 is one of the toughest English classes in Bayville's history…" Jamie said as he opened the door. The class was running wild because the teacher was duct taped to the ceiling. "Let's try another one…" Jamie said as he closed the door and opened another one. "Ahhh Math 234, a fine class." Jamie said as he looked inside. The teacher was tied to the chalkboard; various students were throwing sharpened pencils at him, barely missing him. Jamie slammed the door shut. "Um, Three times the charm…" Jamie said with a weak smile as he opened another door. The class was all but empty except for a single teacher, who was drinking from a flask, while muttering about joining the Russian circus.  
  
"Sad." Jamie stated as he closed the door. "Let's check out the restrooms."  
  
  
(Restrooms)  
  
"The restrooms are a breeding ground for the waste of the school." Jamie said as a few students in the background were smoking something that wasn't cigarettes. "Why just look at this horrid mess…" Jamie muttered as he opened up the boy's bathroom. A putrid smell radiated outward, causing a few student to pass out. Blob emerged from a toilet stall, a huge smile on his face.  
  
"What? I didn't have any corn!" Blob shouted as he looked back into the stall.   
  
"Both disturbing and disgusting." Jamie muttered as he closed the door. "Let us move on to the athletics field…"  
  
  
(Athletics Field)  
  
"Bayville's athletic department is one of the finest in the state." Jamie said as he walked in the middle of the football field. He didn't notice the Brotherhood running away from the stands in the background. "As such Bayville has many championship trophy's and that they are quite proud of." Jamie said as the stands behind him suddenly blew up. "HOLY GOD!!!" Jamie shouted as he took cover from the flying debris. Principle Kelly ran outside and saw the stands on fire. He turned right around and walked back inside, muttering to himself. "HOLY GOD THIS PLACE IS INSANE!!!" Jamie shouted as he ran away from the fire. "Let us continue our tour inside the building with Principle Kelly's office…" Jamie stated as he ran away toward the building, not noticing the Brotherhood dancing around the fire in the background.  
  
  
(Kelly's Office)  
  
"Principle Kelly is the poor sap…Um, I mean lucky individual who is in charge of running Bayville High." Jamie said as he wiped his brow. "As such he bears quite the burden of responsibility. We can only wonder how he deals with such a tremendous task." Jamie said as he opened Kelly's door. Kelly's secretary, Dorothy, and he were in a 'scandalous' position on the desk. Bottles of liquor littered the floor. Kelly and Dorothy both looked up in horror at Jamie.  
  
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Kelly shouted as Jamie slammed the door shut.   
  
"This school has warped my fragile little mind." Jamie said as simply. "And with that horrific sight we shall conclude our tour of Bayville High." Jamie said as he walked down the hall. "Join us next time when we take a look at The Avenger's Mansion. Until then, fine living and good day to you all." Jamie said as he walked outside the building. "I swear to God, someone wants me to go crazy…" Jamie muttered as he walked across the football field, not noticing the Brotherhood and X-Men fighting… again.  
  
  
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Ahhh, Another chapter in Jamie's continuing Odyssey through the homes of Marvel's cash cows. Up next, the Avenger's Mansion, followed by the New Mutant's room's. Until then…  
  
Peace out,  
  
Descendent 


	5. The Avenger's Mansion

Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled: The Avenger's Mansion  
  
Sorry this chapter took to long, but because of some outside factor's I was forced to put it on hold. But now it's back so everyone can be happy now.  
  
Well I've come to the decision that this story will end with the next chapter. Frankly, I'm running out of Idea's and some of the jokes are getting a little stale. But I digress. ON WITH THE SHOW!!!  
  
  
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Avenger's Mansion,  
  
"Salutation's and welcome to "Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled." Jamie said as he walked around the outside of the Avenger's Mansion. "This spacious mansion is the home of the world famous Avengers..." Jamie said as the camera panned around. Spider-man suddenly popped up out of nowhere.  
  
"Hold the friggen show!!!" Spider-man shouted as he walked over to Jamie. "What is the deal with every superhero living in a mansion or their own building!?!" Spider-man screamed. "The Fantastic Four own their own building, and the X-Men and Avengers live in Mansion's. But where do I live. Huh? I live in a friggen hole-in-the-wall-apartment!!! Huh! What is Marvel smoking! I'm the Major money Horse, not that Wolverine chump!!!" Spider-man ranted.  
  
"Um, but your married to a supermodel." Jamie said, interuppting him. Spider-man paused for a moment and then blinked a few times.   
  
"I LOVE YOU MARVEL!!!" Spider-man shouted as he ran away faster than Quicksilver, toward his apartment, and Mary Jane.  
  
"Disturbing..." Jamie muttered as he shook his head. "Let us move on to the inside of the mansion, shall we?" Jamie said as he walked inside.  
  
  
(Inside, the main Foyer)  
  
"This spacious mansion houses the mighty Avengers, the saviors of the world." Jamie said with a huge smile as he walked around. Suddenly Hawkeye came running by screaming, Thor chasing him with his hammer.  
  
"I'll smite you good, Naive!!!" Thor shouted as Hawkeye ran away like a little girl. Jamie's face dropped as he faced the camera.  
  
"Let's move on to Captain America's room, shall we?"  
  
  
(Captain America's Room)  
  
"Captain America is a hero from World War II and the leader of the Avengers." Jamie said as he walked towards the door. "He fought Nazi's and saved freedom from the tyranny of the third Reich..." Jamie said as he opened the door to Captain America's room. Captain America was sitting at the desk, a bottle of Mash Whiskey in front of him as well as an empty shot glass. He had his head in his hands and he was sobbing. "Sad." Jamie muttered as he closed the door. "Let's move on to Iron Man's room..."  
  
(Iron Man's Room)  
  
"Millionaire Tony Stark is the invincible Iron Man." Jamie said as he opened the door to Iron man's room. Ozzy Osborne's "Iron Man" was blasting through the speakers and Tony was sitting on the floor playing with his Lego's. Jamie looked on in horror as Iron man built a working nuclear generator out of Lego's. Jamie slammed the door shut as Iron man began to laugh manically. "Horrifying." Jamie said. "Let's move on to The Wasps and Giant Man's Room…"  
  
(Giant Man/Wasp's Room)  
  
Janet and Henry Pym are both award winning scientist's as well as husband and wife." Jamie said as he approached the door. He stopped when he heard moaning coming from the room.  
  
"Oh Henry, It's soooo big!!!" Came a giggle.  
  
"That's why I made the size serum, Jane baby." Came a lust filled reply. Jamie's eyes went wide in shock and horror.  
  
"Let's just skip Giant Man and Wasp's room and move on to Hawkeye's room…"  
  
(Hawkeye's Room)  
  
"Hawkeye is the world's best archer and one of the most valuable members of the Avengers. He also has a slight rivalry with Captain America." Jamie said as he opened Hawkeye's door. The room was messy, with a giant picture of Captain America hanging on the wall. With lots and lots of arrows stuck in it. There was also a Captain America action figure hanging from a noose off of the light. Jamie slammed the door shut. "Scary." Jamie muttered. "Let's move on to The Black Widow's room…"  
  
(Black Widow's Room)  
  
"Black Widow is a Russian agent who joined the Avengers." Jamie explained. "Although I don't know why she calls herself the Black Widow…" Jamie said as he opened her door. He saw a man tied to a chair, Black Widow tearing his heart out. Jamie slammed the door shut. "That's why…" Jamie muttered in horror. "Lets move on to Thor's room…"  
  
(Thor's Room)  
  
"Thor is the God of Thunder and a near Immortal." Jamie said as he opened Thor's door. WOAH!!!" Jamie shouted as he caught himself. The room was nothing more than empty space. Literally. Stars twinkled and there was no floor, ceiling or walls. Jamie looked around in awe. He then closed the door. "Interesting…" Jamie muttered. "Lets move on The Vision's room…"  
  
(Vision's Room)  
  
"The Vision is an Android with the personality of former Avenger, Wonder Man…" Jamie said as he opened the door to Vision's room. Wanda was on the bed, making out with Vision. "Eep…" Jamie said as he saw them. Vision and Wanda looked up and a look of Horror came to Wanda's face.   
  
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Wanda shouted as she hurled hex bolts at Jamie.  
  
"So that's where she's been lately…" Jaime muttered as he slammed the door shut. "Um, lets move back to the main foyer, where it's safe…" Jamie said as he ran down the halls.  
  
(Main Foyer)  
  
"You know what, I'm already traumatized enough. So screw it, I'm not doing the rest of the mansion." Jamie muttered. Join us next time when we do the… WHAT!?!" Jamie shouted in shock as he read the card. "Don I told you that there is no way in hell that I'm doing their rooms!!!" Jamie ranted to his off camera producer. "What? The Season finally? Well ok. Just as long s that's the last one." Jamie said as he faced the camera again. Join us next week for our season finally as we tour the New Mutants quarters of the Xavier Institute. Until then, fine living and good day to you all." Jamie said as the camera shut off. "I swear to God that I'm going to go insane before then. Just watch…" Jamie muttered as he walked outside, not noticing Hawkeye running away from Thor.  
  
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See you all later.  
  
Peace out,  
  
Descendent 


	6. Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters...

Life styles of the Crazy and Marveled: Xavier's Institute for the Gifted Young, PART II  
  
  
Well we've come the finally of this series. I want to thank all of those who reviewed. This is by far the most popular fic I have ever written based on the number of reviews that I received. Thank you. Oh and sorry it took so long but hey, life's weird like that. Now on with the show.  
  
  
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Xavier's Institute for the Gifted Youngsters  
  
  
"Greetings." Jamie Madrox said as he walked down the main foyer of Xavier's Institute. "And welcome the season finally of Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled. I am your cultured and soon to be replaced host, James Madrox." Jamie said with a content look on his face. "Today we will be touring the remaining part of Xaiver's Institute for the Gifted Young." Jamie shudders before as he says the next sentence. "The New Mutants Quarters." Suddenly Bobby runs by wearing Spiderman underwear and nothing else.  
  
"I am the fairy queen!!!" Bobby shouts as Wolverine and Beast chase after him, a bottle of pills in their hands.  
  
"DRAKE!!! GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR RIDELIEN!!!" Wolverine shouts. Jamie shakes his head in disappointment.  
  
"Now you all know what I deal with when I wake up in the morning. Lets move on to Ray's Room..." Jamie says as he cast one more glance in the direction of Bobby and his entourage.  
  
(Berserker's Room)  
  
"Ray has a very short temper so let's try to be very quite and not disturb anything. ANYTHING!" Jamie said as he opened the door that lead to Berserker's room. "Oh sweet God almighty." Jamie said as he looked around. The room was completely destroyed, everything fried to a crisp. There was a simple rubber mat that was used for sleeping in the corner. Jamie closed the door, sweat dripping down his brow. "That was quite unusual. Let's move on to Amara's room…"  
  
(Magma's Room)  
  
"Amara is an interesting contrast." Jamie said as he walked toward her door. "She has flame powers yet a heart of ice." Jamie said as he opened the door to Amara's room."  
  
"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!" Amara shouted as she leaded back in a high back chair. She was wearing a Victorian gown and a crown. The entire room looked like some thing out of a medieval book. Ray and Roberto, wearing only black hot pants dragged Nightcrawler out as Kurt screamed for mercy.  
  
"I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU MUFFIN!!! I SWAER!!!" Kurt screamed as he was dragged out. Amara merely smiled a twisted smile as Jamie slammed the door shut. "HEEEELLLLPPPP MEEEEEE!!!"  
  
"Disturbing on so many levels." Jamie said as he turned to face the camera. "Let's move on to Roberto's room…"  
  
(Sunspot's Room)  
  
"Roberto is an over-achiever, more so than Jean Grey. And that's saying a lot, mind you." Jamie said as he opened Roberto's door. Roberto was sitting at the desk. It looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.  
  
"Must find the fifth seal…Must find the fifth seal…" Roberto muttered as he bobbed back and forth in his chair. "I MUST RULE THE WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" Roberto laughed as Jamie slammed his door shut.  
  
"So that's where all the coffee went." Jamie muttered as he closed the door, ignoring the shouts of "spiders crawling on me" that were emitting from Roberto's room. "Let's move on to Ice Man's room…"  
  
(Ice Man's Room)  
  
"Bobby Drake is a ridelien dependent mook." Jamie said as he opened Bobby's door. Bobby was inside, wearing a dress and chanting while dancing around. "See what I mean." Jamie said as he closed Bobby's door. A loud thud then resonated from the room. "I see he's knocked himself out again…" Jamie said with a smile. "Let's move on to Rahne's room…"  
  
(Rahne's Room)  
  
"Rahne is and Irish exchange student who has the ability to transform herself into a werewolf." Jamie said as he open the door to Rahne's room. Rahne was wearing a simple black dress, and there was about another dozen or so guys, all wearing black body suits. Suddenly music began to play as Rahne and her men began to River dance. Jamie slammed the door shut. Sweat beaded on his fore head as a look of pure fear graced his young face. "Damn you Michael Flately. Damn you." Jamie said as he wiped his brow. "Let's move on to Cannonball's room…"  
  
(Cannonball's Room)  
  
"Samuel Guthrie is a student from southern Georgia." Jamie said as he approached Sam's door. "Thus we should get a good flavor of the south from his room." Jamie said as he opened Sam's door. The room was covered in hay and there was a confederate flag hanging on the wall. A pig ran by squealing as Sam chased it.  
  
"HERE PIGGY, PIGGY!!!" Sam shouted as he ran around after the pig.  
  
"And I hate my life." Jamie said as he closed Cannonball's room and walked away. "Lets move on to Jubilee's room…"  
  
(Jubilee's Room)  
  
"Jubilee is a mall rat who does nothing but talk on the phone." Jamie said as he opened jubilee's door. She was talking on the phone, her back toward the camera. She was on the phone. "See what I mean." Jamie said as he faced her. Suddenly her head turned around completely, like in the "Exorcist". Her eyes were blood red and her voice was like a waterfall and gravel.  
  
"LEAVE MY SANCTUM MORTAL!!!" Jubilee ordered. Jamie went white with shock as he immediately ran out of the room and slammed the door.  
  
"Oh sweet Jesus." Jamie muttered as he looked down to see his newly moistened pants. "Um, give me a minute…" Jamie said as he ran off of camera and reappeared a few minutes later with a fresh set of pants. "Um, let's finish the tour off with my room…"  
  
(Multiple's Room)  
  
"Well I bid you all good day." Jamie said as he entered his room. Inside was a huge Jacuzzi and about a dozen or so of Bayville High's cheerleaders wearing very tiny bathing suits splashing around in the water. Jamie emerged himself in the water with the ladies. "This is Jamie Madrox, saying that this job may be the reason I'll need years of therapy, but boy, did it pay well. Right ladies?" Jamie asked as the girls giggled. "Oh, and Good day and fine living to you all. And good bye." Jamie said as the camera zoomed out of his room and shut off.   
  
  
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Ahhh, the series has come to a close and I want to thank you all for making it so popular. Stay tuned for more chapters of the evolutionized version of Age of Apocalypse. That and I have a few more fic's to tide you over until "Winter Fun" hit's the scene, on December 21st. Until the Peace out,  
  
Descendent 


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